Five years ago I had to take long-term leave from work and ended up on disability because I was suffering from major depression and anxiety. They had basically taken over most of my life without me really knowing what was happening. I could not get through a day without napping at least once. Taking a shower felt like running a marathon and even brushing my teeth was a chore that I dreaded. I never thought that this could happen to me. I was an optimistic person, had a loving family, took care of myself, did yoga, and was very committed to my job helping other military families.
Thankfully I had a doctor who saw the signs before I did and was able to help me find a good psychologist. With their help, the right medication, and several months of recuperating, I was eventually able to see things differently. I thought that if this could happen to me, then maybe other ‘crazy’ things could happen too.
Once I started to feel better (ie. I could stay awake all day) I decided I was going to do things differently and try the things I always wanted to. I figured I had nothing to lose after feeling like I’d lost the respect of so many people around me with the loss of my career. My self-esteem was at an all-time low and yet I felt a new found freedom to do whatever I wanted.
Ever since I was little, I wanted to be an artist. But when it came time to choose a major in university, fine arts seemed too risky. I didn’t want to be a ‘starving artist’ and I was afraid I wasn’t good enough to be successful. But after leaving work and having time on my hands, I started to take art classes and eventually turned my dining room into my art studio. This in itself was huge for me. But yesterday I went one step further; I applied for my first juried art show. The other paintings that I saw blew me away and I was tempted to turn around and run home. But I stuck it out and even if I am not accepted into this show, I will keep trying.
The other dream that felt pretty crazy to me was that I took up horseback riding after not having been on a horse for almost 30 years. I took weekly lessons for over year riding the school horses, but I couldn’t help but think how awesome it would be to have our own horse for my daughter and I to share. This seemed really crazy to me (and a few people around me), but I focused on the fact that crazy things can happen. It was only a few months later that Red came into our lives. He had been well cared for but his owner was no longer able to ride him and she was happy to find him a loving new home. Red is truly a dream come true.
I don’t want to imply that things are all rosy and whatever I dream up comes true. But really crazy things, things we think are impossible, may not always be. Our mind wants to keep us safe and avoid disappointment, but unfortunately allowing ourselves to ‘think small’ will keep our lives small. So now my goal is to dream big and see what happens.
Do you dream big? I highly recommend trying it!